Let’s Call Her Lousie

Years ago, and for about 10 years, I worked with a client.  Let’s call her Louise.  

Louise is thoughtful, intuitive, bold, and one of the best major gift fundraisers I’ve worked with.

Louise is gracious, full of energy, and a consummate hostess who invites you into her home.  Literally.  For wine, for meals, for overnights.  And to rescue you from life’s little obstacles like flat tires or no-show taxis (back in the day before Uber).

Louise is nothing short of memorable.

One day in Baltimore during a conference at which we would present together, Louise summoned me to a meeting at the hotel bar.  She seemed uncomfortable, clearly out of her typical communication style.  She was quick to share the purpose of the meeting as she blurted out “why are we not friends?”  

It felt like that question had five question marks after it.

That was the last question I could have anticipated.  I was the consultant.  I was professional.  I was buttoned-up after many years of people questioning my age, appearance, experience, and therefore, fitness to be a consultant.  People including my employer at the time.  I was not the stereotypical older, gray-haired, male type and I was conditioned to be sensitive to that.  And act accordingly.

My mind raced as she told me that she knows nothing - or very little - about me.  My instinct was to open my phone and show Louise pictures of my daughter, Kathryn, my source of inspiration.  But that move seemed impulsive and one that would bypass an authentic conversation.  

I shared with Louise my belief that in my work I needed to be respected rather than liked.  I shared that I had been trained to leave my personal life at home and take all (impersonal) measures to demonstrate that the client comes first.  Nothing but business.  

Louise responded in a way that only Louise could.  

Long story short, she opened my eyes to the reality that being liked and being respected are not mutually exclusive.  That being friends can actually be the apex of a professional partnership.  

It took some time to sink in.  With some cautious and then more robust experimentation, her statement proved to be absolute. That realization was a moment of clarity to celebrate. 

I will spare you the details here.  

I’m grateful to call Louise - and the other clients like her - my friend.  

With you, my life is elevated, energized, and empowered. 

And fulfilled.  

You know who you are.